I have been absent for a couple of weeks – and my thoughts about that absence follow:
I had hoped that taking part in Camp NaNoWriMo in April would kick start my flagging writing routine. It did for over half of the month. I wrote 2/3 of a novella I hoped to enter in a contest. But then, once again, self-doubt reared its ugly head and the writing slowed. I did not finish the novel; I did not enter the contest.
I joined this second round of ROW80 and offered to sponsor with the hope it would provide the accountability to keep writing and pursuing my goals. During the past several weeks I have done little to advance my writing goals, although I have read lots and created art.
Self-doubt is like a spiraling cancer that eats away at one’s self-esteem.
I had won a critique from a charity auction and I looked forward to some honest opinion. What I got was constructive yes, but a blow nevertheless. Added to another I had in January, it has been putting a pause on what I thought I could do – write romances. One criticism was that my voice did not come through.
Last night, at one in the morning, I decided that what was important was that I just write and to stop worrying about the end until I got there. Just finish the damn thing. Revising and editing can do wonders – but that is later.
I also need to return to my picture book writing as I have a writing retreat in July to attend and a supportive group of women I need to reconnect with. So I need to look forward, get back the control of my time and my writing once again.
This week I will write every day!