Slice of Life Tuesday

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Today is Slice of Life Tuesday – the weekly writing challenge hosted at “Two Writing Teachers”.

 

This is a week of change and confrontation.

Sunday, my husband and I attended my niece’s wedding in Toronto, in a very unique venue. My daughter and her boyfriend were invited and attended (thankfully), although my sons were not invited. It has been eight years since my mother died and a split between my siblings and my family occurred. One brother I have not spoken to since the funeral, and I only have limited contact with the others.

So, I was very reluctant to attend but I do love my niece, and my husband encouraged me to go. As well, I knew my older brother who lives in North Carolina now, would be going and since his cancer treatment, I wanted to see him.

Although there were no negative confrontations, it felt awkward and conversations with my siblings felt stilted – to me anyway. I am glad I went though, for my niece. It was such a lovely wedding.

Then, this Saturday I have to prepare my youngest son moving to British Columbia with his fiancé. I hope to see him tomorrow as that may be the only chance I’ll have before they leave.

It will be hard to see him go, but I moved far away in my 20s and I know my son has to live his own life and follow his dreams.

I love BC and now we have an excuse to return!

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12 thoughts on “Slice of Life Tuesday

  1. I can be awful, all of those raw emotions, things said that were possibly best left unsaid, that surround and further cloud the death of a mother. I have had the same experience, only much more recently, and it adds more pain to an already devastating turn of events. I am glad that you went, though. I hope that someday I am in a situation to see my siblings again, to get to know them, and they me. And I hope some peace, some settling, comes to your life after seeing them again under beautiful circumstances. Best wishes.

    • Thanks MariBeth. You phrased the situation so well. It was a devastating time – and my boys were caught in the turmoil. That was probably the hardest thing about the wedding – that they weren’t invited. We’ll see what comes of it.

      • That is sad, so so sad. I have had the same thing happen to me, before I lost my mother, and that will continue. That’s what people who are immature do-they attempt to ostracize. That works, but only if you let it get to you…

    • Thanks Chris. BC is such a lovely place – we’ve been once – now have an excuse to go. I’m glad I went to the wedding – even tho it was awkward. Who knows where it will lead.

  2. My wife and I moved 3,000 miles away from friends and family when we first got married. Later, my mother and father in law both shared they were terrified that Alaska was going to be our permanent home. Thankfully, for all of us, this did not happen. I do understand the idea of following your dreams and what it can do to those around you. I was thankful that they didn’t share that at the time and were simply supportive! I can only imagine what’s going through your head right now as you see them prepare to leave!

    • Thanks Darin. I chuckled when my daughter told me that I would be crying so hard when I heard. I will later no doubt but right now, like you said, he needs support now. They have to go where their hearts lead them.

  3. I, too, have broken my ties with 7 siblings since my mother’s death. It’s amazing to me to hear that this has happened to others as well. Actually, it’s kind of comforting to know that I am not alone with this experience. For me, the years of trying to seek their approval were so painful for me, that I feel unburdened now. Of course, I sometimes wonder if there will be a reconciliation, perhaps, with some of them; but then again, there may not be. It’s not easy…this family stuff. The news about your son and his fiancee moving to BC is actually heartening. It is good to follow your dreams at that age; there’s time down the road to bond with family, and perhaps even return. In my experience, that’s what usually ends up happening. Meanwhile…what a gorgeous place to visit. You’re gonna’ love it!

  4. Thanks for sharing that Barbara. I’ve tried to make some overtures over the years but really it hasn’t changed much. But I have my lovely children, my husband and many other relatives. I figure it is their loss.

  5. My mother is still alive, and lives about 300 meters from my house. I don’t go there. I support my children in having a relationship with their maternal grandparents; but the abusive and volatile dynamic I was raised within hasn’t changed much. I’m nearly 47, but my parents still feel that I am a child, and that they have every right to treat me as one (and they weren’t kind or respectful of my personhood, on the whole, when I was a child, so…)

    Because I’ve chosen to step away in the interest of peace, my relationships with two of my three siblings are strained or broken. With my sister, I finally came to a place of realizing that she’s not trustworthy. She’ll do whatever she feels will benefit her, and she’s willing to use me and my family as tools for that purpose. There got to be one too many times I accepted her overtures of friendship, only to be hurt by her subsequent behavior. I want to believe the best of people, but there comes a point, sometimes, when that’s a foolish and potentially very painful practice.

    It hurts more that my relationship with my younger brother has been fractured. He and I were close growing up, and I miss him. He’s often angry, and seems to be living in a far angrier world than I am. I tend to think that our family dynamic has something to do with that, but I don’t believe he sees it that way.

    With my older brother, we’ve adopted a mutually respectful coexistence I wish I could share with my younger brother. I don’t think it’s possible with my sister.

    Sometimes, I’m sad about all this disconnection, but then I look to my Accomplice, our children, and a home that is orders of magnitude more peaceful and loving than the one I grew up in.

    I’m not willing to sacrifice this.

    I’m so happy you enjoyed the wedding, that no simmering resentments blew up in your face, and that you’ll have the chance to see your boy and his love off to the next phase of their lives. ❤

  6. Thank you Shan for such a thoughtful, and such personal response. It touched me – saddened me as well that you too have such division in your family. So thankful for both of us that we have a husband and children and home where love abounds. God bless.

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