March SOL – Day 13: L

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Today is Day 13 of the March Slice of Life – the daily writing challenge hosted at Two Writing Teachers.

 

L is for Losing My Dad

  1. I was twenty that year. I had graduated from high school the year before and tried university. I had felt lost on the U of T campus and so quit after a couple of months. My Dad got me a job at the bank where he worked, although not at the same branch. Many times we drove downtown together, or we took the GO Train.

After working there almost a year, and having a summer of increasingly worst migraines, the stress of my job was deemed the culprit. I quit and within weeks my migraines had greatly lessened, in number and intensity. I looked for a new job, but wasn’t having much success.

So, in November, I was still not working. One Sunday night, I had words with my father and stomped off to my room. That was the last time I saw him – alive.

He went to work the next day – I wasn’t up. He had a bank event that night, so wasn’t home for supper.

The next morning, the police arrived to inform my mother that there had been an accident and my father was gone. Mom called me down and she shared the horrible news. The following days and weeks were a blur. Some memories are still so clear – the closing of the casket by my Mom – that’s not John”; the custodian who shared his praise of my father; my aunt from Scotland; the arrival of the urn – and the only time I saw my Mom cry.

But for me, the overriding emotions were regret and guilt. I would never have a chance to apologize to my father, to take back the awful words I’d said; to tell him I loved him.

45 years later and I still wish I’d had the chance to have at least gone back downstairs, hug him and say “I love you.”  Still miss you Dad.

 

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13 thoughts on “March SOL – Day 13: L

  1. I can feel your anguish in this piece. I’m left feeling unsettled and deeply sad! I hope that you are able to find peace with yourself and your Dad. Also, writing through the alphabet is a very creative way to approach the March Challenge. I love new angles to to consider writing from!

    • Thanks Shwanda. I have resolved the issue – at least most times. But my Dad’s birthday i this week and it makes me miss him more. I’ve never really written about his death, so it was helpful. Glad you like the format – makes it a bit easier for sure.

  2. Loss is difficult at any time, Bev. I am sorry you didn’t get a chance to resolve things with your dad, but I firmly believe that he knows your feelings. Love can’t extinguished by occasional angry words.

  3. Bev, There is much anguish in wanting to take back words especially when they follow such a tragic loss. I am glad that writing about this helped. My husband on reflecting on his father’s passing would say, “Just think, he is all-knowing now.” Your dad knows just how much you love him because he too is all-knowing. Big hugs to you as you remember him during his birthday week.

  4. So sorry for your loss, for this time that you’re remembering..

    I think he knows you love him.. I think he KNEW you loved him because loving parents know their kids vent sometimes and there’s a better day tomorrow. They kind of absorb .. us, our thinking, out words, I guess..

    I also know he wouldn’t want you going through life with the regret of that night..no parent would.

    I wish y peace.

  5. So sorry for your loss and the difficult circumstances of it. Even when time has allowed you to make peace with it many things still put you right back in that moment. We all experience those same moments. Hugs.

  6. He knew how much you loved him, then and now ❤ One small argument in a lifetime of memories didn't define your relationship. He would not want you to suffer over wondering. I wish I had met him, he sounds like an amazing man. Love you

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